Some say THIS is the meanest thing Gena has ever done to torment someone – and the funny thing it was only a suggestion. She (or more accurately I) never actually did it.
So when my oldest child was about twelve or so, she casually mentioned that now would be about the time she should be getting her letter from Hogwarts. (And while I don’t think I need to say this I will – Hogwarts is the name of the invite only school from JK Rowling’s amazing Harry Potter series.)
Anyway, Gena and I were talking about the magic books from our childhood still created for us, and I mentioned how my daughter wanted her Hogwarts letter. Gena leans in and says, “You know what you should do – send her a rejection letter. Full on Hogwarts stationary – the whole bit.” Then I was to make about a hundred copies and hide them throughout her room, so that every time she opened a drawer or looked in her closet – there’d be another letter.
Now to be clear – this suggestion was ABHORRENT to me. The things I’ve done to enable my daughter’s Harry Potter habit are endless, but include sewing robes, dying fabrics and painting a tie to look like Slytherin. That doesn’t even include the hours, I mean HOURS of standing in line to get tickets to midnight books sales and then standing in line at the actual book sale.
But c’mon, the idea of it is kind of funny. Especially during those particularly surly teen years. The idea of pulling out a worn slip of paper and saying – well, look what I’ve been keeping from you – your Hogwarts rejection letter – now who’s the mean mom?!
So anyway, in case you’re interested, I did draft a brief something:
Dear Ms. Monroe:
We regret to inform you there is not a place for you at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The selection process was tough, and there are many qualified applicants; however, you are a muggle.
Please return the owl.
To really sell it – you must sign it as Minerva McGonagall.
I’ve since told my daughter about this and it brought on a full body shudder, so parenting win! The funny thing about it, she just completed her first year at Mount Holyoke College, which many people say looks a lot like Hogwarts.
Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for another tormenting tale! And Friday I’ll be giving you a chance to win a singed copy!