My Not-So Love Affair With The Tooth Fairy


Years ago, I wrote for the Harlequin Blaze Blog on the 23rd of every month, because the 23rd is my birthday, and well, you know… easy.  Below was one of my first, and you can find it here.  You can read current posts here.


My Not-So Love Affair With The Tooth Fairy

I double checked with our wonderful Blaze blog administrators to verify that we could basically blog about whatever we wanted, and the answer was yes. So pardon me, but I decided to get something off my chest, particularly about the Tooth Fairy.

Quite frankly, I dislike her.

This is probably a dislike of my own making, but I’m owning and taking responsibilities for my feelings.

It all began when I decided to make the experience my kids would have with the Tooth Fairy educational.

First Mistake!

Like many, I’d collected a few coins of foreign countries, and since the Tooth Fairy goes ALL OVER the world to pick up teeth, sometimes she drops a strange coin while delivering her quarter per tooth. Yeah, it’s true, my kids get a quarter per tooth (they were 5, quarter = BIG money). So, they’d wake up and find their two pieces of $$ and then we’d go over to the globe, find the country where the money came from and have one big educational moment, right?

Second Mistake!

Each child has 20 baby teeth, and I have two kids. That makes 40 coins from different countries I needed to find. Every year, I’d put out a request from my Romance Writer’s of America friends to bring me their extra foreign money. If it weren’t for those annual conferences, I’d be in a lot of trouble. Thanks, ladies!

At some point around the first grade, I decided that I needed to be just a little more educational, and encourage writing to the oldest. This would be in the form of writing letters to the Tooth Fairy.

Third Mistake!

What I didn’t realize was that the Tooth Fairy would have to WRITE BACK. Apparantly, children write QUESTIONS to the Tooth Fairy, not interesting facts about themselves, so mom would have a shortcut in documenting her children as they grew. Many, many questions. And I’ll just admit it here – I’ll never be a Childrens writer, because coming up with answers is tough with the right amount of whimsy is tough. Google is not always so helpful, and there’s not a lot of call for rhyming skills in a Harlequin Blaze.

So, if you could help me out, and if your kids ask you questions about the Tooth Fairy, perhaps, and this only for consistency’s sake, you could use the same answers I’ve come up with. I’ve put together a little Tooth Fairy FAQ.

How do you know when a child loses a tooth?
A small tickle forms along the back of the Tooth Fairy’s neck, and the tickle grows stronger as she nears the fallen tooth AND sleeping child.  (The fact that the child must be sleeping can never be stressed enough TO CHILDREN!)

Are you married?
No, because she works nights, and most male fairies work during the day. This was completely illogical to someone who is 7, by the way.

How do you get inside my house?
This secret is only given to children who have lost their last tooth, and who the Tooth Fairy knows will never share the secret. Here is is:

!od seiriaf tahw s’that dna yriaf a m’I

What’s your house like?
The Tooth Fairy’s home is made of pinecones and her bed is soft dandelion petals blown in on the wind (there had to be a reason for that plant!).

Where do you put the teeth?
On a pink cloud behind a rainbow (an instance when google was helpful).

Do you have a sister?
Yes, her name is Lull and she helps young babies go to sleep by whispering gently into their ears. All babies understand what she says.

What do you eat?
The Tooth Fairy does prefer the petals of daisies and carnations and drinks the dew of blades of grass first thing in the morning (which is actually her bedtime.) She takes the dew with a kiss.

Do you like Harry Potter?
Yes, but I only get to read it one page at a time as children leave their books open.

Do you have a pet?
Yes, the tooth fairy has a beetle. She has two, one is a boy and the other a girl. She also has a fish, but there are just so many, she can’t list all their names. By the way, the answer to this question changed from child to child, but no one seemed to notice. Whew!

Do you collect the teeth of dogs, cats, etc.?
No, but the Tooth Fairy suspects there is another fairy who picks these up, she’s just never met him or her.

May I have some fairy dust?
The answer is “Of Course!” Fairy Dust is comprised of iridescent glitter and gold glitter. By the way, my youngest is absolutely convinced she witnessed the oldest levitate off the ground just a bit after using the fairy dust.

I have lots and lots and lots of stories about our adventures with the Tooth Fairy – like the time the youngest lost a tooth while mom was at an work conference and dad had to write the letter and provide the Fairy Dust (lots of dad panic involved). Or how the kids decided to “test” the Tooth Fairy and not mention to mom or dad they’d lost a tooth.

Anyway, there’s my sad tale, and just to make this an educational moment, you might want to reconsider doing any of the things I’ve done.


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *